Straight Out of Kampung

Day 14: Burger and a Beer at Branch 27

I admit it. I’ve become a burger snob. 

Branch 27 has a burger-and-beer special for $12 on Tuesdays; seeing as the beer is Bell’s Oberon, this was a no-brainer for me. Apparently they were named one of the best new restaurants of 2010 by Chicago Magazine. Note that it’s not best new burger. 

I really need to start bringing a real camera for these things. I promise that when I start doing this for real in Malaysia, I’ll take better pictures.

Anyway, the burger: the bun was extra-poufy, almost overwhelming the burger itself. The beer onions (basically carmelized onions) were tasty, but the patty was — dare I say it? — a touch dry, even ordered medium (though it came out more medium well). Really good pickles and fries, though. I like extra-crispy fries, and these delivered; if you’ve had Jack In the Box fries, these were in that line. 

So, for $12 (including the beer), not a bad deal. But I would have felt ripped off had I been paying the full $14 for just the burger. 

Day 13: Burger Nostalgia at Goose Island

Back in the day, when my now-husband first moved to Chicago, we had one thing we’d order at Goose Island: the Stilton Burger with a wedge salad. The menu has changed quite a bit since then — they seem to be following the Hopleaf trend of reinventing themselves as a gastropub — but the burger has stayed. (The salad has not. Too bad. It was a great salad.)

So is it as good as I remembered?

The first big disappointment: no bun! I don’t know if they just haven’t found a source yet for pumpernickel buns. Instead the burger was on two slices of dark rye, like some glorified patty melt. The rest of the components — Stilton cheese, roasted garlic, spicy mustard — were all present, but the patty was thinner than in my memory, and less encrusted in peppercorns, which is key in cutting the richness of the burger.

It’s still a great burger. But it used to be a awesome burger. 

Day 12: Feast

Feast isn’t particularly known for their burgers, and it wasn’t on my list of burgers to try, but my friend and I were hungry, and it was close, and I had a 2-for-1 deal with my WBEZ member card.

To mix it up, I got a turkey burger, and a side of salad – a little lighter than the usual.

Unfortunately, my burger tastes have gotten too sophisticated with all this eating. The carmelized onions sounded promising, but turned out to be too sweet, and the patty was moist but bland. If only it had been half as spicy and flavorful as my Bloody Mary.  

Day 11: The Fast-Food Burger

I’ve been passing by the giant wall mural advertising “Choppers – Home of the Chop-pak” ever since I moved to Chicago, and I’ve always wanted to know what exactly a Chop-pak is. I had the same reaction to the “Redamak’s – Bite Into a Legend” billboard outside of New Buffalo. I am living proof that billboards do work.

The Chop-pak is, according to Choppers, “The Happy Meal for Adults.” That means it doesn’t come with a toy. It does come with a double cheeseburger, coleslaw, and fries. Let me just say that I’m getting really tired of fries. Burgers tend to be different from place to place, but fries are fries: skinny, fat, or steak, dipping sauce or no dipping sauce, the essence of the fried potato remains remarkably unchanged. At this point, I would really like some onion rings. Or a salad.

But back to the burger. Unlike the other places I’ve been frequenting, Choppers is a true neighborhood fast-food place, the kind of place that’s ubiquitous in Chicago, serving up burgers and Italian beefs to hungry teenagers and construction workers. The burger itself reminded me of a Whopper back when they actually tasted good: slightly chewy, well-charred, covered with American cheese. The fries were of the steak variety, and probably from Ore-Ida. The coleslaw was – well, it’s nice to get a veg, isn’t it?

Choppers real claim to fame is the milkshake, and I’ll have to agree. My apple pie shake was so thick the straw stood up. And you can mix and match to come up with delicious combos like peanut butter chocolate.

I will say that going to Choppers made me appreciate the quality of the burgers at places like Edzo’s or Epic Burger; all that fresh-grinding and hand-forming sounds pretentious, but really does make a difference. I don’t know what Patty Burger’s excuse is.  

Days 9 and 10: The Battle to Be the In-N-Out Burger of Chicago

Only a week in, and I’m already behind on my posts…but never fear, I haven’t slacked off on the burger consumption. These last two burgers fall into what I would call the “In-N-Out” category for being fast-food burgers that don’t taste like fast food (named for the legendary burger chain on the West Coast). Maybe I should call them “nouveau classic drive-in.” The kind of burger that made America famous.

Thursday was a perfect summer day in Chicago, so I decided to try one of the further places on my list: Edzo’s in Evanston, which is 12 miles by bike, apparently.

Edzo’s offers three kinds of beef: normal, Dietzler’s all-natural, and Tallgrass grass-fed. I opted for the Dietzler’s. I realized after ordering that I should have gotten a char-burger instead of the griddled burger in order to take full advantage of my premium beef.

Still, a darn good burger. (Note the quality bun, crucial for true burger harmony, and the rough edges on the patty, indicating that it’s hand-formed.) More places should offer giardiniera as a topping; it gives a burger the perfect amount of tangy and spicy (and messy, I might add). I also like that Edzo’s has about ten different kinds of fries, including “old fries,” described as the extra-brown ones left in the bottom of the fry basket. Just the way I like it. Unfortunately, these special fries don’t come in the small sizes, and I didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to eat a full order.

Edzo’s also offers a five dollar milkshake…for four dollars. Unless you want the special milkshakes, which cost the full five. I was intrigued by the bacon-and-chocolate, but went for the tamer Mexican chocolate, which really did taste like a frozen Mexican hot chocolate.

They even put a cherry on top! It was a little runnier than I usually like my shakes, but that could also be because I didn’t get to it until after I finished mawing down on that burger. 12 miles of biking makes you pretty hungry.

The next day, I was running errands and ended up in the vicinity of Epic Burger, which is one of my favorites in the city. I was so disappointed that the Lincoln Park outpost didn’t open until after I left my job, although that may have been a blessing, since I would have gone to lunch there a lot.

I mixed it up on this visit with a wheat bun and blue cheese. The “classic” bun does a better job of containing the patty, but it’s nice to have the option, and it was actually pretty good. For some reason they were off their fry game that day; usually they’re crisp and potato-y, but these were a bit limp.

So, which does a better job of being a new-fangled old-school burger joint: Edzo’s or Epic? I’m going to have to give the edge to Edzo’s for a beefier patty and the whiff of authenticity. Actually, if Edzo’s could tell Big & Little’s where to get their buns, that would be about perfect. But I think they’d all be safe even if In-N-Out decided to open a Chicago franchise, which as anyone who’s had In-N-Out can tell you is high praise indeed.

Day 9: Upscale burger at Hot Chocolate

So, the plan was to try the foie gras burger special at Sweets & Savories, which is on special for $10 Wednesday nights. There weren’t any reservations available this morning, but I figured if I went early enough I could at least wait for a table, you know, like at a normal restaurant. Nope. They were all booked and couldn’t possibly take anyone else.

“But…what if a reservation doesn’t show up? Could we take that table?”

No, no, no. Something about having only one chef and not enough food.

I deployed my dinner date, who is much cuter, and more importantly, finagles her way into exclusive places for a living (she’s the host/producer of a show called Chicago Revealed, after all), but still no dice. Now, I admit I’ve never worked in the food industry, but I did have to manage guest lists for events, and really, there are far more diplomatic ways to handle this kind of situation. Like, just lie and say you’ll put us on a list, and see if we bother to come back. Because this way, you just look like a jerk, and so does the restaurant by extension. And, to the management? If you’re going to issue a Groupon, maybe you should anticipate a higher volume, and staff accordingly, especially after the first two months of being full to capacity.

Now we were really in the mood for burgers, and I didn’t feel like having a pub burger, especially since we were both a little dressed up. (I even put on makeup!) Since my date, Katie, had never been to Hot Chocolate, and it was on my list, we headed that way. And got seats. Without waiting. Which they would have let us, if we had to. 

I hadn’t been to Hot Chocolate in a few years (?), but the burger is one of the things (actually, the only thing…besides the hot chocolate, of course) that I remember. They had an upscale burger before it got trendy and everyone was offering Kobe with truffle aioli and housemade giardinera and whatnot. 

Aren’t the mini condiment bottles darling?

It was as good as I remembered. It comes topped with bacon and cheddar; the egg is extra, but totally worth it. The patty is so well-seasoned and flavorful that it doesn’t really need much else. They use Heartland beef, which is Piedmontese, a breed that allegedly is leaner and more flavorful than standard American beef. As you might expect from a restaurant helmed by a pastry chef, the bun is spectacular, kind of a garlic-and-sesame studded pretzel roll. Totally hit my burger spot.

You can’t go to a place called Hot Chocolate without ordering dessert:

Ice cream is “housemade,” of course. The clear winner of the night was the sweet corn (far left), followed by the chocolate chip cookie garnish. The rest of the flavors (from left to right): brown butter sour cream (which needed a pie garnish), plum (more tart than I expected, but in a good, refreshing way), and banana chocolate chip marshmallow (the biggest letdown of the bunch — not enough marshmallow). 

I’m still going to attempt S&S next week, but they’re really going to have to bring it to stack up to this burger. (So to speak.) I’m not sure if foie and truffles are enough. 

Day 8, Fast-food Burger, Fancy-Pants edition: Patty Burger

First, let me just say this to all the super-picky eaters out there, the ones who only eat the same ten meals their entire lives: I don’t know how you do it. I’m only a week into my Month of Burgers, and I’m already getting a little tired of having the same thing every day. Not to mention that having six to eight ounces of beef every day, often accompanied by fries, is a wee bit taxing on the old digestive system. Good thing I’m biking to most of these locations.

I’ve been curious about Patty Burger for a while, but didn’t find myself downtown during lunch hours much back when I had a job. Today I decided to flee my AC- and electricity-less house for the Art Institute for the Henri Cartier-Bresson exhibit. While a “French” burger would have been a more fitting follow-up, the Camembert burger at The Gage was a little rich for my tastes (the financial ones, not actual taste buds), so Patty Burger it was. The Patty Burger schtick is that they offer “gourmet” burgers (read: lots of toppings) at fast food prices. Or something like that. The burgers are kind of pricey, starting at $4 for a regular burger and going up to almost $6 for the ones with the fancy toppings, and fries are extra. I decided to get the Bluegrass, which has mushrooms, bacon, grilled onions, and cheddar. It also came with red onion, which I thought was redundant. For the sake of my waistline, I forewent the fries and the shake. 

It turned out to be a rather uninspired burger:

I mean, the cheese isn’t even melted!

The burger itself was kind of greasy, despite being more cooked than others I’ve had, and oddly bland. I don’t think it would have had any flavor if it weren’t for the bacon and onions. And I don’t mean just salt; the patty was seriously lacking in the beefiness department. The bun was good, but overall, this was the most boring burger I’ve had so far.

I wish I’d schlepped the extra distance to Epic Burger instead. Hopefully tomorrow’s Kobe burger at Sweets & Savories will make up for it.

Day 7: The Hole-In-the-Wall Burger

My housemate, Abdul, has accused me of only eating are “elitist” burgers. To which I say: half the point of this is to go sit in air conditioning, which they don’t usually have at your local hole-in-the-wall. 

But I thought he had a point, and eating “gourmet” burgers every day is getting a bit expensive, so I decided to go to BIG & Little’s, where they’ve got truffle fries but no AC. Luckily it was a pleasant day so it wasn’t much of an issue. The place is located on N Orleans along what I’ve heard is called the cabbie restaurant row; its nearest neighbors are a Pakistani restaurant and a liquor store.

The burger itself is an excellent basic burger (though not Chicago’s best, as claimed by one Yelp reviewer), the kind you hope to get at a cookout or your local diner/grill: beefy (but not too thick) patty, no exotic condiments or fancy cheeses.

It also demonstrates why a good bun is so important. What’s the point of serving a juicy, hand-formed, grilled-to-order patty on a bun that disintegrates into a wonderbread pulp three seconds after you start eating it?

As tasty as the burger was, it was completely overshadowed by the truffle fries:

People ask what truffle tastes like. Not mushrooms. As far as I can tell, truffles are basically pure umami, sometimes called the “fifth taste.” Think of the savory deliciousness of a perfectly roasted chicken or steak (or grilled portabellas or something, for all the vegetarians out there). In powder form, truffles are kind of like culinary crack, or Western-style MSG. Coat some freshly deep-fried potatoes with this pixie dust and they’re basically irresistable.

Reader, I ate the entire basket. 

Day 6: The House-Made Burger

It was finally cool enough to stay in the house today, and perfect grilling weather, so today’s burger was homemade, I mean, housemade:

Patty: 90/10 ground beef, well-done, thanks to all the flare-ups on my grill. The beef is from the overpriced grocery that is the only decent grocery store within walking distance; I don’t know if it’s grass-fed/organic/yada-yada, but at that price I hope it was.

Toppings: Smoked gouda, avocado, tomato, lettuce, grain mustard, and BBQ sauce I had left over from Fat Willy’s. 

Bun: Pretzel roll, frozen, from the supermarket.

Did it stack up to restaurant burgers?: That was my other challenge. I don’t actually make burgers very often at home, and when I do, it’s usually the Japanese-style hambaagu, which is really a giant meatball and eaten with rice rather than on a bun. This time, I made an American-style patty with nothing but steak seasoning (the secret ingredient is MSG), salt, and pepper, and despite my fears, it neither fell apart nor turned out tough. (It did drip quite a bit, however, so I was greeted with flames when I went to flip it.) However, I can now see the arguments for the fresh-ground quality restaurant patty: my burger didn’t have the same succulence or beefiness of the best burgers I’ve had so far. Still, it’s good to know I can rely on my own powers should I ever want a burger in Malaysia (which, after I’m done with this month, I don’t know I will). 

Day 5: a Brunch-y Burger at J Wellington

J Wellington’s is a burger joint about ten minutes from my house and one of the inspirations for the Month of Burgers, since they have seriously good burgers, shakes, and fries that I’m going to miss while I’m gone. The store is named for the burger-loving character from Popeye (last name: Wimpy), and the menu is filled with what I’m guessing are Popeye references, none of which I get.

Like the One-Eyed Runt. I decided to get it since it was my first meal of the day and I figured the bacon and egg made this burger breakfast-esque. (The rest of the toppings are blue cheese and Sriracha mayo.) I rounded out my meal with fries (standing in for hash browns) and a strawberry shake for my fruit/vegetable. No, I have not keeled over from a heart attack. Yet.

I was so hungry that I’d finished about half the burger before I realized I forgot to take a photo. I didn’t think it looked particularly appetizing at that point, so I pulled this off the interwebs instead:

Thanks to the combo of runny egg, mayo, and melted cheese, this is a very messy burger. The J Wellington patty splits the difference between a thin, fast-food style and the thick steakhouse style, so you get a pretty substantial burger that’s still manageable (i.e., you don’t have to unhinge your jaw to get your mouth around it). You can get a wheat bun, but keeping with the healthy eating plan I’d already set I opted for the classic, which is in a challah/egg-bread style that’s soft but still holds up.

And they’ve got mini-burgers. You can get a flight of the five specialty burgers, which is probably too much for one person but good for two (and cheaper than getting two burgers). The cutest part is that they use a quail egg for the mini version of the One-Eye.

Now I’ll have to go to a Wimpy’s to see how it stacks up.